1. A Humble slave's prayer
2. A slave's prayer
3. Differences betewen a slave & submissive
4. M/s Relationships
5. slave Guidelines
6. slavery Is-Not
7. slave's Code of Honor
8. slave's Creed
9. So you Want to be a slave
10. What A slave Needs

1. A Humble slave's Prayer

Allow this humble girl the strength to answer questions she cannot fathom.

Allow this girl the Spirit to know His needs.

Allow this girl the Serenity to serve Him in peace.

Allow this girl the Love to show Him myself.

Allow this girl the Tenderness to comfort Him.

Allow this girl the Light to show us the way.

Allow this girl the Wisdom to be an asset to Him.

Let this girl be able to show Him each day her love of service to Him.

Let this girl open herself up to completely belong to Him.

Let this girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman.

Let this girl learn to please Him beyond herself.

Grant this girl the power to give herself to Him completely.

Give this girl the strength to please us both.

Permit this girl to love herself in loving Him.


Author: Screamer C1996


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2. A slave's Prayer

Please give me the strength I need to continue my journey, and the ability to realize my mistakes & learn from them.

Please give me the strength I need to know my place, and the ability to place Master first & not think only of myself.

Please give me the strength I need to endure, and the ability to take punishment & grow from the pain I bear.

Please give me the strength I need to communicate, and the ability to give all my thoughts to Master & not expect the same from him.

Please give me the strength I need to serve, and the ability to anticipate & create pleasure for Master at all times.

Please give me the strength I need to be committed, and the ability to prove my commitment daily.

Please give me the strength I need to trust, and the ability to trust even when I have doubts.

Please give me the strength I need to forgive, and the ability to recover if I should stumble on my path.

Please give me the strength I need to love myself, and the ability to see my beauty to be confident knowing I belong to Master.

Please give me the strength I need to be myself when Master commands and not try to be whom I think Master wants me to be.

Please give me the strength I need to define my boundaries and limits truthfully with my Master at each step of my journey.

Please give me the strength I need to empty my mind of all thoughts except my Master and me.

Please give me the strength I need to put aside the false pride of judging myself more harshly than Master does.

Please give me the strength I need to always seek new ways to express my commitment to my Master.

Please give me the strength I need to trust and have faith when doubt clouds my mind.

Please give me the strength I need to forgive myself as I stumble on the path with my Master.

Please give me the strength I need to trust in Master's wisdom.

Please give me the strength I need to remember to say this prayer even when I don't 'need' to and especially when I do.


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3. Differences Between a slave & submissive

By Raven Shadowborne


Many ask if slaves truly exist. In the way a dictionary and history define slavery, no they do not exist in most modern countries. (Though there is some contention that slavery rings do still exist in secret) Most people in civilized countries generally agree that the legal ownership of another human being is immoral and thus make it illegal. However, in the world of BDSM, one will find that some of the people involved call themselves by many different terms; one of these is the term "slave". Of course, this often raises the question of how is a slave different from a submissive. This question often is met with outright hostility, disbelief in the existence of slaves and the thought that the words slave and submissive (as nouns) are interchangeable terms within the context of BDSM. Many will not agree with any of those thoughts, and I am one of them. I have spent a great deal of time talking with slaves in the honest attempt to better understand them, their lifestyle choices, and judge for myself whether or not this is a healthy variation to the BDSM lifestyle.

To the question of whether or not slaves exist inside of BDSM I say that yes they do. They may not be the largest group, but there are quite a few. Do slaves differ from submissives? Again, my answer is yes they do. Slaves tend to differ from submissives by the way they think, act, submit and their expectations.

A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. They have very little room for leeway or shades of gray in their lifestyle choices. They do not seem to expect much leeway in the reaction of their dominant either. By this I mean, if a slave is feeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks, they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. A submissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominant because they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, not in terms of submitting. To them, being in a collared relationship means they are owned, and often this translates into the statement that they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk out if the relationship goes bad. This does not mean a slave will accept an abusive relationship, though their tolerance limits for what is abusive and what is not seem to be higher than those of a submissive. This belief in ownership stems from a strong commitment on both an emotional and mental level to the dominant. There is a level of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that can be more intense and widespread than many submissives would allow. For example, a dominant wants to bring in a third to the relationship. A submissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow ( yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up to me, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept this new change. To some this kind of thought process is considered wrong or somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not necessarily true. A slave thrives on the absolute fact, that they literally have no control over the relationship or what will occur within it, whereas a submissive often retains some level of control in the relationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would make the master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasing to them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure in addition to that of their dominant. Slaves work very hard to put themselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them, this is what comes with being a slave and submitting completely. Slaves put forth a lot of effort in achieving an inner peace with their chosen position. With this peace comes acceptance of themselves, and a quiet sense of contentment. They view pride, arrogance and other such emotions as negative and unbecoming in a slave.

A slave's behavior is different from a submissive as well. If you listen to slaves talk about their behavior (or watch them), they often speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves at all times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be more focus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with less leeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use an honorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling their master/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling, tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part of a slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment. Slaves put a lot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react to their dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self-control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor as much as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any form of topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating the dominant. They see bratting as topping from the bottom, whining, cajoling or making requests after the initial denial as manipulative behavior that focuses on the slave's needs/desires instead of the dominant's and thus not proper. They look down on any behavior that is perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of the slave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slave will strive for perfection within themselves in completing all the tasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping an eye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, but think would please their owner if they did them. A slave is required to be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lot of responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slave should not need to be micro managed by their dominant because this is not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micro manage. A slave will behave with the utmost of respect in a formal situation, and with as much respect as any situation warrants. (For example, quiet time at home may not require as strict a protocol as a formal party would) None of this emphasis on behavior means that a slave can't or does not crack jokes, goof off, or engage in verbal banter. Many slaves do indeed do these things. They do so however, with a great attention to the dominant's reaction and are careful not to be hurtful or overly sarcastic. Unless of course the dominant does not like this kind of behavior, then a slave will do their best to curtail it. (Which can be quite difficult, and in my opinion unhealthy, for someone who has a very playful sense of humor as an inherent part of their personality) So please do not take this article to say that slaves are not playful, have no sense of humor or anything like that because it just is not true. Slaves have the same array of personalities that everyone else does, and they enjoy them just like anyone else does. Slaves just tend to be a lot more aware of the dominant's limits to such activities than some submissives are. They also do not use their playful senses of humor (if they have one) to brat a dominant into playing with them, unless the dominant likes this kind of role play scene. Basically they tailor their behaviors to what the dominant prefers and is most comfortable with.

A slave's expectations from the dominant and the relationship are often very different from those of a submissive. A slave does not expect to have their desires met beyond their basic life supporting necessities. When their dominant does do something for them, they see it as a gift, not a necessity. Slaves tend to view things that many submissives expect in a relationship, as a luxury not a necessity. This does not mean that a slave will accept being abused or treated like they are worthless for extended periods of time, it just means they do not expect all the trappings that others expect from their relationships. (such as cuddling on demand, talking whenever the slave wants to talk, sleeping in a bed etc) Slaves expect their relationship to be difficult at times and their submission to not be easy all the time. They expect to be asked or ordered to do things they may not necessarily enjoy because the focus is not on their enjoyment or pleasure, but on that of their dominant. They expect to be treated as a slave and not pampered or cajoled to. They expect to be pushed to their current limits and have those limits pushed to expand. They expect to meet their dominants needs at all times and to not have their dominant accept any manipulation or disobedience. They expect to be used to the full extent of their current abilities and even trained (or taught through schooling etc.) to broaden their abilities to meet their dominant's needs. They do not expect to be consulted on every decision, asked their opinion all the time, or similar things. This does not mean they expect to be ignored or treated as if they do not matter, they just do not expect this as a normal part of the relationship, though most say their thoughts opinions, feelings and such are demanded by their dominant and the dominant will often take them into consideration while making decisions.

A slave submits differently from a submissive as well. Slaves will set no limits on their dominant's activities. A submissive will often have hard limits that their dominant can not cross at all, and soft limits that can be pushed with prior negotiation. A slave has neither. They will not say that the dominant can't do a certain type of play or use a specific implement. They may tell the dominant that they do not like certain activities or implements at the beginning of the relationship (preferably before a collar) but they do not ban the dominant from using/doing those things. They expect to be asked to do things they may not particularly like and they consider it as part of submission because to them, submission is not about pleasing the slave, but about pleasing the dominant. Most slaves will say that because of this it is imperative that the slave chose to submit to a dominant whose likes/dislikes are a close match of their own and thus they will not be asked or ordered to do something they are totally opposed to. But even then, the slave will expect that these limits may change over time and accept it should it occur. A slave does not believe they can just leave the relationship. Some believe once they are collared it is for life and will not request release even if they feel their lives are in danger or they are being mentally/emotionally harmed. However, many relationships with slaves have guidelines in place for release of the slave should the slave truly desire such. Some slaves believe a slave can't possibly be abused since the dominant has no limits on what they can do to them, and if the dominant chooses to act in an abusive manner then that is their choice. This does not however seem to be the majority belief, but it also does exist.

Many of these differences overlap, and are applicable to submissives as well. However, as a whole they exist for most slaves that I have come into contact with. A slave is not better than a submissive in my opinion, merely different. Some of these characteristics can exist in a submissive, or even all of them. The base-separating factor between the two seems to be in the area of limits within submission. A slave sets none, a submissive does. Which word one uses to describe themselves remains a matter of personal choice, and my intent with this article is not to say otherwise. Instead my intent is to help others understand slaves a bit better and not look at them as mindless robots or doormats, because those two terms just do not fit the vast majority of lifestyle slaves. Whether or not being a slave is a healthy lifestyle choice is a matter of personal preference. I believe it can be a very healthy choice, others do not agree. Like any relationship where the balance of power rests with one person over the other, abuse can occur. I do not however see any reason to say it is more widespread among slaves over submissives, or in bdsm at all.


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4. M/s Relationships


When a slave in a M/s relationship hands over power to the Master, it is nothing like the same as having it forcibly wrested away, as happened to the slaves of old. For this reason, although the word slave is accurate, it unfortunately has conations which people outside the lifestyle, and many within it would not, could not and refuse to understand or accept.

There is unfortunately, still a lot of bigotry around even today. Even within the lifestyle, it is quite apparent that many people can be very judgmental. Judging others by their own standards instead of accepting each person as they are.

No other suitable word exists as an alternative to slave. Submissive is NOT an alternative, it is an entirely different state of being and the ideas expressed here attempt to differentiate the two.

Firstly, it seems to me, that, despite appearances to the contrary, in giving up so much, the slave in fact gains significantly. The slave is freed from the burdens of decision making, and gains care, protection, fulfillment of needs and desires amongst many other things.

An important point to keep in mind, is that a M/s relationship like a D/s relationship is voluntary for both parties. In this regard, they are much alike.

Once in a M/s relationship, things are so much different for a slave than a submissive. A M/s relationship is 24/7. Her Master’s satisfaction and pleasure reward the slave.

She does not have the option of saying "NO", but is expected to carry out Master’s commands promptly and enthusiastically. Nothing her Master wants or commands is questioned…there is complete and total trust, without reservation. A slave cannot, by definition be part time, limited or casual. She is a slave period. For this reason, anyone thinking of entering into a M/s relationship must be very sure of them-self, taking great care to know what exactly it is that they are entering into and to be very sure of their Master.

Even as the slave must willingly decide to accept her role, so must the Master. The Master has to be both willing and able to accept and take on the very serious responsibilities inherit in his role as he takes control of the slave.

Being a Master is not an easy role to fulfill. He has ultimate responsibility for her safety, health, welfare and well being. He should not be relying on her to guide him by calling "safeword" although, I personally will still allow that option. He has taken total control and must now use that control. He needs to know her so well that he can read her needs, her limits and know when to stop or back off. She has placed a level of trust in him, which is far beyond that in other relationships. It is up to the Master to justify and respect that trust, treasuring it like the priceless gem it is. The trust that she places in him must be honoured.

The responsibilities for developing and nurturing the slave are enormous. The Master needs to be strong, yet gentle. Firm but not harsh, disciplined but not brutal, kind but not soppy. A pillar of virtue, honesty, reliability and dependability. These qualities look easy when seen written down, but are in fact so much harder to maintain and much more demanding in the reality and hurley burley of modern real life.

Failing his slave is the worst possible thing a Master can do. Failure in such matters as honesty, firmness, direction or any of the above qualities not only damages the relationship but can result in serious harm to the slave physically, emotionally or psychologically. For she depends totally upon her Master. She needs him to structure her life and expects and needs him to exercise all of those powers that she gave up to him when she entered the relationship.

Failures, inconsistencies or sloppiness leave the slave feeling "lost."

A major danger any Master must be constantly on guard against is complacency. Complacency is deadly in all relationships and even more so in a M/s relationship. It is so destructive and will destroy a slave. Slaves by their dependent nature rely totally on their Master, thriving on his input and feedback.

Secondly, and very much implicit in all this is the deep love and bond between Master and slave. To my way of thinking, and in my humble opinion, a distinction that can exist between D/s and M/s is that deep love must exist for a M/s relationship to exist. D/s relationships can and do exist for fixed periods, even for the duration of a play party, and certainly do not have to have the emotional bonds, though perhaps most do.

A M/s relationship on the other hand is long term and cannot exist with out or outside the strong ties and emotional bonds of deep love that exist between Master and slave. It is the love a slave has for her Master, which enslaves her, not being physically bound.

I noted that one correspondent who is a slave, had stated she was in a poly relationship with her Master and sister, and that in itself was indicative of the strength of the relationship(s) at work thus enabling the M/s relationship to flourish. A poly relationship has it's own whole host of issues that can test it, but if it is working and working well, then it will be because the bonds are stronger than any issues that may arise. I can, however, see others decrying poly relationships – a separate issue.

In the final analysis, it really is up to the individuals in each relationship. What is important is what works for you. The nature of the relationship will determine if it is a M/s relationship, not what you may choose to name yourselves. That your relationship works and works well is the most important thing and that all members are happy and contented within it, getting the fulfillment from it that they seek.


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5. slave Guidelines

by Master Stern

A slave is a slave by choice, her Master's slave by His generous consent. she is among the few and fortunate - one of those people who is able to live her dream. When accepting her Master's collar, a slave must do so with the knowledge that her lifestyle will be inexorably changed, and that her outlook will have to change to accommodate it. A slave begins in training and remains in training - it is a process that has no end. she continues to learn how to put her Master's needs and desires ahead of her own at all times. she continues to learn appreciation for service, both when it brings her joy and when she would prefer solitude and her own pursuits. she continues to learn how to accept the answers she is given, and how to be accountable for her own behavior, as judged solely by her Master. she continues to discover the true meaning of unquestioning obedience and unfailingly loyalty. her Master has assumed a great responsibility for her, and must be responded to in kind.


A slave's Duties

Self-Awareness & Personal Growth

The first duty of a slave is to herself. Without a healthy amount of self-respect and a firm belief in the validity of her choices, she can be of no use to anyone else, particularly her Master. Slavery is not about low self-esteem or self-deprecation. It's not about avoiding life's responsibilities at another's expense. It's not about being or becoming a less intelligent, engaging and inclusive person; rather it is about putting those qualities to their best use. she must do her best to preserve and expand her emotional health, maintain her sense of clarity and purpose, and uphold her willingness to carry on, despite roadblocks or mistakes.

A slave should be aware of her strengths and talents, and she must gladly offer them to her Master for His own purposes. From the most exhilarating sexual experience to the most mundane task, whatever she does should be geared toward the growth of the relationship and her personal growth within it. she must always be willing to learn and expand her horizons for the betterment of the relationship. she is not victim or a martyr, and she can never be productive by thinking in those terms.

A slave does not "keep tabs" on issues of reciprocity, but accepts responsibility for her behavior alone. her training is not designed to create the perfect Master, but instead to transform her into the ideal slave. This thought should remain foremost in her mind.

A slave's Master may still seek her opinions, and when asked, she should offer them with forthright honesty. In all cases she must remember that as valuable as she considers her counsel to be, in the end, only her Master can determine its importance. A slave's recommendation, if allowed, is only one of the many ways a Master makes His choices. The slave's duty is to honor His choices and express gratitude for the small part she may have played in them.

Service

Becoming a good slave is a challenging aspiration, and one that requires practice and perseverance. Everything a slave does in the context of the relationship is meant to be of service. Whether His mood is lenient or strict, demanding or relaxed, her Master expects her to serve Him in any number of ways, and at His convenience.

The slave's duty is to be aware of her Master's comfort, familiarize herself with His needs, His routines, His habits and His passions - and learn how best to accommodate them. Those needs that aren't anticipated should be carried out at the instant of command.

Service should not draw attention to itself. It is meant to be unobtrusive, yet always available. A slave's actions should never demand thanks or acknowledgment, nor should she lead her Master to believe she expects them. she must remember that the best forms of service weave themselves gracefully into the fabric of the situation without disrupting the intricacies of its pattern. Service is not meant to be inflicted, but interlaced.


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6. slavery Is-Not

slavery is not about suffering . . .
. . . slavery is about service.

slavery is not about humiliation . . .
. . . slavery is about humility.

slavery is not about pain . . .
. . . slavery is about being present.

slavery is not about being used . . .
. . . slavery is about being of use.

slavery is not about control . . .
. . . slavery is about letting go.

slavery is not about your desires . . .
. . . slavery is about giving to others.

slavery is not about abuse . . .
. . . slavery is about acceptance.

slavery is not about proving anything . . .
. . . slavery is about being real.

slavery is not about contempt . . .
. . . slavery is about respect.

slavery is not about how you look . . .
. . . slavery is about the size of your heart.

slavery is not about denying yourself . . .
. . . slavery is about being open.

slavery is not about bondage . . .
. . . slavery is about freeing your spirit.

slavery is not about punishment . . .
. . . slavery is about discipline.

slavery is not about being unable to escape . . .
. . . slavery is about being committed.

slavery is not about submission . . .
. . . slavery is about obedience.

slavery is not about fear . . .
. . . slavery is about trust.

slavery is not about sex . . .
. . . slavery is about love.

slavery is not about pleasure . . .
. . . slavery is about happiness. sometimes.


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7. Slaves Code of Honor

Honor is not a list of rules and regulations, so much as a Framework for making decisions. A system of values we use to guide our behavior in whatever situation we find ourselves.


A Slaves Code of Honor

I will be honest with my Master above all, with myself, with others always.

I will be humble; humility is pleasing, humility opens my mind to learning.

I will be loyal to my Master above all, to my family and friends, to myself and what I believe.

I will show courtesy to all, my behavior is always a reflection on my Master.

I will be obedient. It is the hallmark of the life I have chosen.

I will be devoted to pleasing him, my love for him will show in everything I do.

I will strive, diligently to learn any skill he would have me use in his service.

To learn every nuance of his life, so as to be better able to serve him.

To love him, in spite of his human failings.

I will accept punishment with, as much grace and dignity as he will allow, remembering that punishment is not rejection.

Punishment is guidance in my quest to be more perfect for him.

I will maintain my body in fitness and health so as to be able to serve when called upon. In cleanliness and grooming, so as to always be found pleasing to his eyes.

I will serve with joy taking quiet pride in the life I have chosen being equal to the demands it places on me and the skills I have acquired along the way to becoming who I am. A girl, worthy of his collar his slave.


Author Unknown


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8. slave's Creed


I am a slave, first and foremost, proud to be owned by my Master.

I will be obedient, obeying my Master without question. Obedience is the power, the energy, the right and responsibility of me as my Master's slave.

I recognize Him as my Master. He alone holds the key to my love and my passion. I will give my heart to my Master for safe keeping, thus freeing my spirit.

I recognize that His need "to control" is as strong as my need "to be controlled". I need and want my Master's control. I know that peace and joy lie at the feet of my Master.

I know Master will be greedy when it comes to His demands of His slave.

I will be vulnerable and fully exposed to my Master's will. I will honor our contract. I accept that the only will I have or want is my Master's will. I will give unconditional acceptance of Master's will, even as I become more aware He is a fallible man. His true reward is my complete emotional release.

I will communicate clearly my needs and wants, my feelings and thoughts. I will not hide my fears, my angers, or my emotions. I will not withhold anything from Master as it belongs to him.

I know that only with Master am I complete. I will give Him my complete adoration, openly and honestly. My soul is His to mold and shape as He wishes. I live to please Him. I will be measured from the inside, for it is my soul that is enslaved, my body simply follows.

I know that as His slave I am His property to do with as He wishes. I am subject to Master's decisions and dependent on His whims. I am dependent on my Master for all my needs.

I am as strong as an oak tree in my committment, yet easily bend like a willow tree to do my Master's bidding.

I expect to be disciplined/punished if I disobey or displease Him. Let me take my punishment with the grace of a woman.

I am completely committed to my Master. I have an unyielding trust in Him.

I will learn all lessons Master teaches me and will strive to continue learning and growing.

My hunger for my Master is as insatiable as my thirst is unquenchable.

I accept that I have no rights other than those negotiated by contract, or those my Master gives me.

I accept that I have no right to privacy: physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

My slavery is about trust, communication, vulnerability, caring and honesty. It is about being the graceful, sensual, beautiful woman that resides within.

A great slave is intelligent, dedicated, motivated and loyal. They understand the Master/slave relationship is built on a foundation of trust and a consuming need to serve. Within their absolute surrender, they realize being a slave is HARD work and are not afraid of it.

I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master, and will fulfill His wishes and desires.

I will be responsive to my Master. I will not hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist Him in his authority over me.

I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow slaves. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been.

I will wear my title of slave with honor. I will never cause others to think that being a slave means to be weak or sub-human. I will take pride in who and what I am and will never show myself in a negative way.


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9. So you want to be a slave: The Realities


by miria hunter

I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Dommes or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.

First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.

Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal. Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything!

Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.

You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.

It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.

Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in every way. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you. As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master.

He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.

As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.

Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.

You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside. It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.


Ricks's miria
Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs. [email protected].


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10. What A slave Needs

© by David Stein


Some late-night thoughts i felt were worth sharing: Slaves, and those who seek to be slaves, are constantly advised not to be self-centered and not to focus on our needs and desires but rather those of others. And this can be good advice when a would-be slave is so focused on fantasies of what a Master will look like, act like, and do to the slave that he loses sight of what he will do for the Master or bring to the relationship. As i've said before -- and no doubt will say again , here or elsewhere -- being a full-time sex toy/captive/whipping boy almost never actually happens, and if that's what slavery means to you, 99% of the real-life Masters out there will be terribly disappointing. But aside from that lesson, there's another, more subtle lesson about slave "selfishness" that's only now becoming clear to me, which is that someone who's looking to become a slave, or remain a slave, needs to be ruthlessly selfish about getting his or her slave needs met. By this i don't mean the basic needs of life for food, shelter, clothing, employment, social contacts, and a degree of affection. We all need that, whether we're slaves or Tops or boys or vanilla. Rather, i mean the things that feed and strengthen a slave's slavery: things like direction, discipline, and service. About these there can be no compromise, because when they are lacking in a slave's life, slavery itself cannot long be sustained.


DIRECTION

The popular conception is that slaves are people who are forced to obey a Master's orders, and many slaves also fantasize being forced. Being obedient is held to be the opposite of freedom, and the negative connotations of "slavery" largely consist in this lack of freedom. This no doubt was true of many or most coerced slaves in history. It is not true of consensual slaves today. Those who become slaves today in the U.S., Europe, and the rest of the developed world do so not because they are being forced to obey, but because they positively need to obey. Obedience is the voluntary slave's lifeblood. To obey is not our cross but our joy! We only ask to be given the opportunity. And that's where direction comes in. Any idiot can tell someone else what to do! Lots of people are bossy or domineering or pushy. That's not what can satisfy a slave's need to obey, not in the long run, because people who are merely bossy tend not to be very consistent or intelligent about what they tell others to do; they operate on whim. The more perfectly you obey someone like that, the more likely you are to get into trouble, because today's order may contradict yesterday's or undermine tomorrow's. You can drive a dog or a child insane with contradictory orders; is a slave any less sensitive? Ideally, what slaves need -- whether they're aware of *wanting* it or not! -- is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. And it takes a Master with great presence of mind, intelligence, self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.


DISCIPLINE

The most common slave fantasy is probably of being punished, but i think the erotic charge of this is really a metaphor for discipline, which is not the same as punishment. Discipline is controlled behavior; punishment is simply a means, and not often a very good one, of achieving discipline. Just as slaves need to obey, we need to follow rules and to push ourselves to live up to some ideal. i think every (voluntary) slave wants to be the perfect slave in some sense, and we need -- as much as we need air and water --someone to hold out that ideal before us and challenge us to live up to it, even knowing that we'll never actually achieve it. If it were easy to be a slave, if anyone could do it, what would be the point? If there were no sacrifice involved, if it required nothing above and beyond ordinary life as a bottom-oriented leatherman or leatherdyke, why bother? Slavery is a demanding, challenging vocation, or calling, and its challenges cannot end once the slave enters into service with a Master. The Master must provide a continual challenge as well as an environment in which the slave's discipline and dedication are continually honed. To this end, many Masters institute various rituals and protocols for their slaves to follow. These are misunderstood, i think, if they are examined too literally, and especially if the point is taken to be the inculcation of a worshipful attitude toward the Master's person. The point is to enable the slave to develop a worshipful attitude, period. Giving the slave a framework by which to live a disciplined life of respect and dedication is the point, not feeding the Master's ego. Nonetheless, at the very prosaic level of enforcement of rules, a Master who does not notice or care about infractions is one who is shirking His duty toward His slave. It is not necessary to punish, but it is necessary to take notice of the lapse and deal with it in some definite way. Slaves need to feel the Master's eye on them continually, until it is internalized. If He cannot or will not provide discipline, He has no business owning a slave, just as a parent who will not provide it for a child is unfit for that role.


SERVICE

While there are no end of fantasies about obedience and discipline, most slaves only fantasize about sexual "service" -- but that is typically the lesser part of a full-time slave's service. Indeed, the difference between a slave and a bottom may turn on the willingness, even eagerness, to serve in nonsexual ways. (As i once read in a personal ad, "I don't clean my own apartment -- why should I clean yours?" If you have to ask, you'll never understand. ) Difficulties arise when Masters, or slaves, confuse service with being used. The difference is subtle but critical. Perhaps it is the difference between "being used" and "being useful." Being used has a very negative connotation for most people, and i suspect that in cases where it has a strong erotic charge, it refers more to the categories of direction and discipline than service. That is, what is exciting about "being used" is being obedient and controlled, transcending your own ego and its selfish pleasures to be an instrument of someone else's will. That doesn't have to be a humiliating, demeaning, or degrading experience -- it can be an exhilarating and liberating one. Being useful, in contrast, is something that most people do find pleasurable and rewarding -- slaves more than others. It is the sense of "right employment," of expending your life energies in a good and satisfying way. The joy of service is the feeling of having "made a difference" in some part of the world, however small. When Masters think of a slave's service purely in terms of having him at Their beck and call to fulfill any whim or transient desire, They trivialize the slave's slavery and undermine his ability to continue that way of life. On the contrary, a case could be made that the main reason Masters even exist is to provide slaves with an opportunity to serve to the best of their abilities! Whether you accept that view or not, a Master who neglects or wastes a slave's talents is worse than a fool; it is a form of abuse as serious as physical harm or neglect. Perhaps the greatest challenge for a Master is to determine how a given slave can best serve Him, and to reconsider the matter again and again as the slave grows, learns, and develops. This is not to say that any particular service should be beneath any particular slave -- we can all benefit from taking a turn at menial chores. Nonetheless, a slave needs to feel, overall, that he is fulfilling his potential for service, or he will not remain content in his slavery for long.


SUMMARY

In conclusion, the lesson i'm trying to convey is that slaves need to look out for ourselves in terms of making sure that our needs for direction, discipline, and service get fulfilled. No matter how sexy a potential Master may be, no matter how many of your fetishes He matches and BDSM buttons He pushes, if there's no clear evidence that He'll provide for your basic needs as a slave, look elsewhere. By the same token, a potential Master who's not your wet dream but can offer an environment of clear direction, firm discipline, and opportunities for challenging and satisfying service deserves at least a second look. Hope this is helpful to someone!


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