1. 7 Pleasing Characteristic of a submissive
2. 9 Levels of submission
3. Belonging
4. Choices
5. Conditions & Principles
6. i am a submissive woman
7. Preparing the Gift
8. sub in Waiting
9. submissive's Prayer
10. submissive's Rights
11. The Loving submissive
12. The submissive's Creed
13. Understanding what submissive Means
14. What Makes a Healthy submissive

1. 7 Pleasing Characteristics Of A Submissive
by Lapp Topp
Copyright© 1997


These are some characteristics *I* like to see in my submissive, and try my best to give when I submit. YMMV...


1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be truthful in your desires, experience, fears and limits. I have seen many submissive’s telling "little" lies thinking it will make them more desirable. It usually ends up getting them hurt. If you have questions about what your Dom/me desire or expects, be honest and speak up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable to looking ignorant. Remember, all Dom/mes are different. Don't assume because one wants you to wear stockings that another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc.

2. Submissiveness. While I enjoy the occasional SAM, I prefer my subs to submit. I want them to surrender their will to me. I like them to be polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned. There is nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top from the bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Mistress, if it pleases you, I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that happen much sooner than intentional misbehavior.

3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to, and how deep your submission goes. If it is a relationship situation, get to know the person as a friend before you consider submitting. If it is scene-play, get references and follow safety rules, watch them Top others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for you. Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with your Dom/me. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and get to know more on the subject. Keep up on current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take up some of the same hobbies as your Dom/me. These are good relationship skills...be it vanilla or D/s.

4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy, and do your best to provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires, and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your Top have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two times that I like my coffee with cream and sugar, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fulfill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.

5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and figure out everything that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much rather have my sub tell me her fantasies so I can store the info to use when I choose, than have to guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly say "Whatever pleases you, Mistress". If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't be enjoying it, either. Admittedly, I am occasionally selfish, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100% of the time.

6. Self Respect. Value yourself. There is no thrill in dominating a doormat, or someone that thinks so little of themselves they will submit to anyone at anytime.

7. Patience. I have often been told that patience is the mark of a good submissive. I have also been told that this is something I need to work on. I guess I will have to get back to you on this one. I do know that the best things are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding submissive’s are really not submissive’s at all. So, patience is something I am slowly learning. Perhaps someone could help me out with this? <g>

K~~


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2. 9 Levels of submission

Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words "submissive and slave" to mean many different things. When submissives say "I want to be your slave," sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their (usually _not_ very genuinely submissive clients) as "slaves." At the other extreme, there are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Dom(me)'s use, pleasure and convenience. And there are many shades in between these two extremes.


1. THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).


2. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE

Not into even playing "slave," but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.


3. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE

Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).


4. TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE

Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).


5. TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE

Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.


6. UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE

Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.


7. PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE

Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free time.


8. FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.


9. CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS

A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim


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3. Belonging

Deeply, intensely
Desire rages and burns
Searching, wanting
The slaves body yearns.

For a touch, a caress
From the Masters hand
Lovingly, soothingly
His to command

Comfort and solace
Passion and pleasure
This heart does bind
This slave to You, Master.

Complete submission
Total control and domination
Offered to You freely
With love forcefully taken.

Cherished, desired
Soothed in Your strong arms
Supported, stroked
Protected from harm.

Flowing over the slave
The voice of her master
"Kneel...Dance for me...

Shivering, gasping
Her body alive
She obeys Him instantly
Pleasing Him, her Guide.

Whispered words of submission
"this girl belongs to You."
Satisfaction and desire, igniting His eyes
"Yes, slave...you do."

"Kneel...you are mine!"
"Yes, Master," she kneels
"Who do you belong to?"
"It is only to You that i yield."


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4. Choices
By Dark Whisper


Everything comes down to making a choice. Which clothes to wear, what foods to eat, which direction to walk when leaving one's front door. These choices are made with little conscious thought. Automatic. Easy.

Then there are those choices that one makes which are life altering. Recently, I made a series of choices that did just that - altered my life. Thus, the decision to write this article.

I am a submissive woman. I actually call myself slave to my Master, but the vast majority of my "friends" would likely disagree. I have strong opinions, and am not afraid to share them. I also have a brain, which seems to sometimes give the impression of being somehow "less submissive" in that I question what I do not understand, or ask for clarification. MmmMMm this sparks another topic in my mind, but that is best left for another article. I need to maintain my focus here for this is not only a piece to speak on choices, but a cathartic cleansing of a soul soiled by the very thing I held onto with taloned nails. Because I am a strong willed woman, I have a difficult time admitting when I am wrong. I tend to try to justify my actions by outside influences.

Luckily, I have a Master who is an exceptional Man as well as Master. He is extremely intelligent, and has the added benefit of understanding human emotions on a level far beyond what most will ever see. I cringe when I realize just how close I came to losing Him due to those very choices.

Back to the topic at hand. Why do we make choices that are truly bad for us?

I wish I knew.

I know that when I make a bad decision, it is usually done in the height of emotions - fear, pain, anger, insecurity. Once those emotions rise, rational thought becomes difficult. The intelligent mind takes a back seat to the emotional child inside. This affects every aspect of life in one way or another. When fear and pain are involved, a mask is usually donned to "hide" the fear and insecurity.

This is dangerous. The emotions become pushed aside, and rather than exploring them, discussing them and working through the dynamics, they seethe inside and grow to a point where bad choices are made because panic is now nipping at your heels. Panic -yes, the precursor to poor decision making.

So, what should one do when the panic, pain, frustration and anger grow? Talk. In the Master/sub-slave relationship, a submissive who cannot talk with his/her dominant is doomed to make bad choices.

We talk about trust - how without it, one cannot submit or dominate. While this is true, there are levels of trust as well as levels of submission and dominance. It never ceases to amaze me how much simpler it is to trust one with your body, than it is with your emotions and soul.

To share with One your fears and emotions takes a tremendous amount of trust and faith that you WILL NOT BE BETRAYED. A difficult thing for many to do perhaps because of previous pain. The desire to "protect" hardens into a mask donned, and a choice is made to hide behind that mask.

What often comes to pass is that when the trust is shaky, then one starts looking for something to feed the doubts, most times finding something to justify the mistrust, which feeds the doubts and erodes the decision making process even more. This is a choice to look at a small section rather than the whole picture, sinking your teeth into one thing that does not quite "fit" and disregarding the vast majority that does fit. It gives nourishment to the child inside who feels lonely, afraid, angry.

This becomes impossible for anyone, even a dominant, to get past. They cannot help if one is deliberately hiding. The relationship suffers, and it is only a matter of time before it falls apart.

So, how do we fix this? First, you HAVE to allow the emotions to settle to the point where you think rationally instead of emotionally. It sometimes becomes necessary to write down your thoughts. Not necessarily to give to your dominant, but so you can have a better understanding of what it IS that you are feeling.

Let the words flow without trying to put them into any rational order, simply talk to yourself. Spew. Rant and rave about issues that affect you. Complain about your Master/Mistress ON PAPER. Then, when the emotions are settled, read what you wrote. Look at them and begin to look for a common thread. Patterns will appear, and that, my friends is when you will start to see the underlying reasons for choices made.

Once the kernel of truth has been discovered, then bring it to your dominant to discuss. Talk of your fears, explain their roots and truly LISTEN to what your dominant says. With the new awareness of where the fear and doubts rise, you should then be able to work through them with your Master/Mistress.

And that is the best choice you can make.


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5. Conditions and Principles

There are conditions which I will place upon my willingness to enter into or remain in any relationship. I do this not only for my protection, but for the real benefit of the other person.

I accept the following as principles by which I live:


1. I would rather be alone than be in a relationship which undermines my good feelings about myself.

2. I will not give love to someone who cannot or will not give love to me.

3. I will not make excuses for anyone, or accept excuses from anyone for his or her inconsiderateness of my real needs.

4. I will not give love to someone who has no love for himself or herself.

5. I accept, with no exceptions, that I am worthy to give and receive love, respect and acceptance.

6. I believe that my needs are genuine and reasonable.

7. I have love and respect for myself regardless of what anyone says about me.

8. I would enjoy and appreciate the love, acceptance and respect of every person, but I do not need it to have self-love and self-respect.

9. I have feelings and accept that both the positive and negative feelings are real and need honest, healthy expression.

10. I am responsible in the expression of my feelings.

11. I trust my feelings and have the ability to act upon them in an adult manner.

12. I will not enter into relationships which do not meet my healthy needs.

13. I will not expect others to be aware of my needs. It is my responsibility to communicate my needs to others.

14. I have a trust in the worthiness of others. I will not prejudge anyone.

15. I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I will not lay blame for my own shortcomings upon another person.

16. I can accept that my feelings may be one-sided and I am willing to accept that you have the right to reject me for your own reasons.

17. I am willing to listen to your opinion of me, but I will not allow a lifetime of effort to build myself into a healthy worthwhile person to be invalidated by your opinion.


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6. i Am A submissive woman

I have needs, wants, desires, dreams, goals, morals, and strengths that match any or even surpass most of the Dominants that I have met.

I have hurts, pains, losses, gains, loves, hates, trials, tribulations and issues that mirror those of any who would call themselves Master or Mistress.

I have soared high, have made mistakes, have won battles, lost wars, have fought for truth, justice and the underdog, have stood beside my friends, have offered to break bread with my enemies, have cried for strangers, have smiled for them too and have felt happiness at all my achievements and for the lessons learned from the errors I have made in the trying.

I have a past full of laughter, love, pain and loss.

I have a present full of joy and wonder, new experiences, old ghosts and bliss.

I have a future full of expectations to be fulfilled, dreams to be realized, unknown faces that shall become well adored friends, birthdays and marriages to celebrate, losses to mourn and a God to meet and be judged by.

I am a submissive woman.

Show me, in here, in these definitions of the self, of the Id and of the soul that I lay before you where I am not equal to anyone and everyone.

Show me here where my "choice" to be as I am makes me less or weaker or different than any other man, woman, child.

Show me here what makes a Dominant stronger, more knowledgeable, more caring, more....more of anything than that which we all are...."Human".

Show me here that I am not equal.

Show me this.

~SynfullySweet~ © 2001


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7. Preparing the Gift

So, you have decided you are a submissive/slave? What now? Most would say the next step is to look for a Dominant to whom you can give your submission. i don’t agree. We all know that submission is a gift to be given to the Dominant we finally choose. But in the mean time, what do we do? Prior to giving your submission, take a serious look at this gift you will be offering. A friend of mine says that when you give a gift, you want it to be the very best gift that is possible for you to give. i am sure you agree with this as well. Is your gift truly the best that you have to offer, or can you perfect it, mend some things, and make it truly better? The gift of submission is the greatest gift you have to give, so prior to presenting it to that special Someone, why not make it the very best that it can, and should, be?

The wait for that special Dominant can be very frustrating, and at times, you may want to rush and grab the first one Who seems interested in you, just so you have the security of that collar. Such a rushed decision is not fair to you or to the Dominant. You both deserve the very best. While searching and waiting for a Master is the perfect time to prepare your gift and make it the best you truly have to offer. i can tell you that the best thing is to do this for yourself. However, being a slave myself, i know that i can easily do something for my Master that i would not have the willpower to do for myself. So, prior to your being owned by Another, use this time wisely. Prepare yourself for that nameless One who will soon become your life.

I recommend that you prepare a list of your assets and liabilities. Be very honest; the items on this list are for your eyes only. Is the list of liabilities longer than it should be? Now is the time to start working on that column and moving some of the items over to the assets side. When preparing this list, it is easy to exclude many of the ‘vanilla’ aspects of a relationship. When you find the “One”, your relationship will have a basis of BDSM but will also encompass all areas of your life. No real-life relationship can last based exclusively on BDSM. There have to be other interests and areas where you are compatible as well. Next, list things you may like to try or to learn: anything from sailing to learning to paint. Those choices are totally yours, so make them something YOU want to learn. Enriching your character in such a way provides you with self-respect and confidence, as well as enriches the range of activities and conversation that you and the One might possibly engage in.

i can’t begin to make a list of things that you should consider to change about yourself. All i can tell you is to look at what and who you are and what you don’t like about yourself, and then merely start to work on changing these things. Think big, but start small, and be consistent. Small changes over time are much more realistic and lasting than trying to conquer big ones in a day. There are many Dominants who love big beautiful women and men. So if you are happy with your weight and proportions, accept them, love, and respect them, and look for the One who will also. Look to change those things that make you feel unhappy about yourself. Those nagging aspects that tend to make you feel badly about yourself are also those that are unconsciously signaled to others through your body language and verbal expression. Thus, if you can have a clear conscious about some negative aspects of yourself, and be working to correct them, your demeanor will change, and others will see you more positively, because you now express that change in subtle ways that even you are not aware of.

One of the fastest ways to fail in this lifestyle is to try to be someone or something you are not. So please, in preparing your gift, do so with honesty and respect to yourself. In the end, you will find the wait and time spent perfecting your gift will be well rewarded when you find the “One” whom you were meant for. Remember, no one wants a gift even the giver doesn’t like. The greatest gift you can give is one you loved yourself before you gave it away, placing it in Another’s hands and trusting that They will see it, love it, and respect it the same way you do.

Rick's miria

Special thanks to Moonzpetal for the words that got this article started.

I also wish to thank my wonderful friend peter for his help in editing this article and making it readable to everyone else.


Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs. [email protected]

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8. sub In Waiting


A sub without their Dom sometimes can be sad. It is all too common to troll the Internet and wait to the Dom to come and mold you.

Mold yourself into the person you want to be. The sub you want to be, is only a knowledge base away!

We start with small personal things you can do in your daily life.


1. Consider the Dom you want

Are they knowledgeable? Do they have your music and book tastes? Being with someone 24/7 is so much more than whips and chains. Sharing the same outside interests with your Dom is key. I know a couple who came together because they both had nicknames from the Dune books.

My Sir and I both love movies, electronic music and the outdoors. We also have the same humor :) Do you want a Dom with special interests such as Japanese, traveling etc.. Well do those things. Be the person with whom you want to be with, or in other words be their YIN to your YANG.


2. Do some deep self searching

It is key to be spiritually, physically and emotionally comfortable with yourself when you enter into a BDSM relationship. D/s relationships will test your strength as a person and as an individual. If you are not spiritually sound in your choices to be a submissive, to do certain forms of play. Severe abuse can occur.

I am not saying be at perfect inner peace. I would be not practicing what I preach. Just, know your fears and unhappiness in your life. Look at them in a practical way. Can I overcome this? Can I be happier? What can I do for ME?


Pursueing D/s Interests Alone


1. Become involved in your bdsm community

I know this can seem very scary for a sub out there meeting who knows what. Go to a munch. A casual no-play bdsm lunch where people meet and talk about their interests, bdsm related or not. Most munches are held at local restaurants where you can stay safe and come and leave on your own.


2. Know what you want in bdsm

Do a Activity Checklist and learn more about types of play. The internet is an amazing resource for everything. From ElectroPlay to Watersports you can learn the how-to and help.


3. Get your own toy box

A sub who knows what they want need the toys to back it up. Having the sexy items around can really make your online or dreamed up fantasies so much more real.

Another point to consider is that cleanliness and keeping items sanitary and disease free should be very important to you. Items like canes, horsehair whips, vibes, electro-geno toys etc.. can be easily corrupted with bodily fluids. It is nearly impossible to fully sanitize leather floggers. Buying a cane and a flogger are two good investments for the beginning sub.


4. Experiment

There are many tips on Self-Bondage out there if you want to go it alone. Also the safe disease free world of cyberspace is a nice place to start out. Public play can be intimidating, but you can learn so much that you may have not be able to online.


The Elegant Sub


1. Good posture and grace

You do not need a Master with a crop tapping you to hold up your back straight. Good posture is key! (I need to remind myself of this often) Grace is a good art. Remember the word as you make a drink, kneel and walk. You will start to see your body move with more of a swift relaxed elegance. Pay special attention to your hands. Graceful movements with hands you think are dainty can woo.


2. Dance, exercise and yoga

I recommend all three. Yoga is a great idea to limber you up to certain positions for sexual reasons and slave Position training. Exercise increases your sexual stamina and strength. Scening can take a lot out of you, but a worked out body can handle it much better. Working out your arms and wrists can really save you during a long bondage scene. Dance can help you work on your grace and posture. Belly dancing or traditional Chinese fan dancing are two highly recommended for the submissive.


3. Read how to pleasure

So many of us were born with Westernized views of sexuality. I find there is so much to learn from the Kama Sutra, Tantric Sex and the Pillow Books of Japan. Each of these works speaks of spirituality and sexuality. They teach important submissive doctrines such as: the foot as lovely as the penis, the neck as sexy as the breast and to love and adore all.


4. Do some fantasizing and reading up

While you may not be as adventurous as that read up on Gor, The Beauty Trilogy, and The Story of O. The minds of these authors, can stimulate yours towards fantasies of scenes you would like to with your Master. The mind is as sexy as the body.


5. Perfect a submissive Art

I discuss only a few. But, I know each of us has our own ability to excel at a certain one. Perfect your gourmet skills. Learn and collect massage oils and soaps. Take a massage class or read up. Or even dabble with the Japanese Tea Ceremony.


6. Practice a stylized form of submission

Gorean philosophy, Geisha and French maid are 3 examples of ways to learn to perfect your skill through servitude. Read up on what you are interested and start shopping for the knowledge and tools to make it happen


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9. submissive's Prayer


Allow me the strength to answer questions I cannot fathom.
Allow me the strength to answer questions that cause discomfort.
Allow me the restraint to curb my tongue.
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts.
Allow me the spirit to know his needs.
Allow me the love to show him peace.
Allow me the serenity to serve him in peace.
Allow me the tenderness to comfort him.
Allow me the light to know his desires.
Allow me the light to show us the way.
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to him.
Let me be able to show him each day my love by my service to him.
Let me open myself up, to completely belong to him.
Let my eyes show him each day my love by my service to him.
Let my eyes show him the same respect, whether I sit at his side or kneel at his feet.
Let me accept my punishment with obedience and repentance.
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman.
Let me learn to please him, beyond myself.
Let me learn to think beyond myself, seeing through his eyes.
Grant me the power to give myself to him completely.
Grant me the strength to please us both.
Teach me to love myself as a part of loving him.
For it is my greatest wish, my heart's desire, to make his life as complete as he makes mine.


Sub Addendum:

And if the time comes for us to go our seperate ways.
Allow me the strength to do so without inflicting my soul's despair on him.
Let me accept my release with the grace and dignity of a woman, and Let me show in my leaving all the best qualities of my submission.


Dom Addendum:

And if the time comes for us to go our seperate ways.
Allow me the strength to let her go with no more pain than just leaving.
Let me release her in dignity so that she may stand tall, and Let me show in the hardest of moments all the grace of a Master.


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10. submissive's Rights

Perhaps you’re new to the lifestyle and not sure of your submissive role, and the rights you have. Especially as it pertains to interacting with Dominants. Even if you’re experience is limited, you’ve undoubtedly noticed that many Dominants can be rather demanding, intimidating, and keenly aware of the fact that you are both new, and as a submissive, possibly prone to "influence".

Whether in RL or online, there are always Dominants that actively seek out newer submissives, in hopes that they are unaware of their rights. Online that kind of Dominant might be considered a "troll". In RL They are considered predators, lurking around play parties or munches hoping to find an unescorted and impressionable submissive.

Keeping in mind that you are always ultimately responsible for your own safety, your best defense against being mistreated or taken advantage of, is knowledge. And so, I present for you here, a listing of your rights as a submissive. Know them, and don’t be hesitant to use them.

I understand that not all submissives feel comfortable standing up for themselves. At least in knowing your rights, you may be able to look for assistance when needed. In RL, there is always a Dungeon Master or some other sort of authority for your protection. In a chat room, there are hosts. They are there for a reason, for your protection. Don’t hesitate to call upon them if needed.


Your rights as a submissive include, but are not limited to:

• The right to say "No"
• The right to feel safe and secure
• The right to be free from unwanted attentions
• The right to express your opinion
• The right to decide for yourself Who you choose to submit to
• The right to decide what areas of your life you choose to offer in submission
• The right to be treated with courtesy and respect
• The right to have your submission valued and cared for

This is a short list, and does not come close to identifying all your rights. But within those that are listed, you should find the ability to handle most any situation that may arise, online, or in RL.


Rover«§» Copyright 2001


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11. The Loving submissive


In submitting to a Dominant, submissives offer the greatest gift any Dominant can hope for - their entire being. The submissive becomes subservient to their Master or Mistress … their every action and thought directed at pleasing. The knowledge that they are loved unconditionally gives them the confidence to express themselves … to explore their minds and bodies in ways that they have never experienced. It is difficult to be a good submissive - temptation to procrastinate on chores, disobedience and, temptation are all things which plague the submissive on a daily basis. However, there is one thing that the submissive can be certain of … as they stray from the path set out for them, there will be discipline and/or punishment meted out to bring them back on track. It is the constant attention to detail, however small, that assures the submissive that they are important to their Master or Mistress. The submissive loves unconditionally and requires a return of that specific type of love. With unconditional love, the submissive becomes free, without fear of humiliation or rejection, to express themselves, to be vulnerable and to open their innermost spirit to their Dominant. This is what the submissive strives for … to be able to share themselves, entirely, with their chosen one … this gift of self is what their Dominant must strive, with every effort, to care for and to cherish


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12. The submissive's Creed

i will communicate with complete honesty of my needs, desires, limits, and experiences to my Dom.

i realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Dom and i from having the best experience possible but it could also lead to physical and emotional harm.

i will not try to manipulate my Dom.

i will not push to make a scene go the way i feel it should.

i will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not accustomed to.

i am willing to try and expand my limits.

i will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Dom and will do my best to fulfill his wishes and desires.

i will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, for i know that "submissive" does not equal "doormat".

i will be courteous and helpful to all other submissives.

i will never think myself a "better" submissive because i choose to submit on a different level than another.

i will not be boastful of experiences i have had as a sub.

i will share my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope that they will learn from where i have been.

i will take the time to help those new to the scene so they may begin on the correct path of submission.

i will be responsive to my Dom.

i will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling from my Dom.

By telling him i assist him in his responsibilities as my authority.

i know that Dominants are not telepaths and i will not expect my Dom to know the thoughts or feelings which i have not shared.

i know that my actions reflect upon my Dom, and i will do my best to help others to see him in a positive way.

i will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Dom.

i will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human.

i will take pride in who and what i am, and will never show myself in a negative way i will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.

Above all, i will wear my title of submissive with honor.


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13. Understanding What submissive Means


To understand the power of submission, one must first understand what being a submissive means, where it comes from and how it is expressed.

True submission is something that comes from deep within a person and is an essential part of their nature. It is something expressed from the soul and as such, it goes much deeper than the mere physical/sexual act of offering oneself to a Master for pleasure. A person can behave in a submissive manner but this is not the same as being "a submissive".

To offer oneself completely and utterly to another, to surrender all choice and "power" requires an exceptional inner strength. High self esteem and a knowledge that in order to relinquish power to another as well as understanding that one must possess that inner power is essential.

Embracing and expressing my submissive nature has given me the most powerful opportunities to find the deepest levels of trust, power and the intimacy that can only arise from the bond of a Master and sub. It is the ultimate expression of balance, the archetypal opposition of yin (the receptive principal) and yang (the active principle). Both sides being perfectly equal, yet forming a perfect whole.

As a submissive, my goals are to come before my Master as an empty chalice to be filled.....or a blank canvas to be painted....formless clay waiting to be molded. Thru this exchange, i know that i will become more than i was before....the Master takes the raw material, or the blank canvas or the raw gemstone and brings out the inner luster. In this experience, what many misinterpret is that they assume the Master imposes his will upon the sub and she becomes whatever he wants her to be. i would disagree....to me, the Master brings out the qualities of submission in a more pronounced way. Rather than being told to "act" in a submissive way, it is the submissives role to remove veil after veil until who she becomes is the perfect reflection of devoted service and in serving her Master, she finds an inner joy and balance that comes from knowing that with each veil removed, each boundary crossed, she becomes MORE of who she already is.

When i feel, hear and see my Master's pride in me, i know that i am elevated and adored above all women. i have truly given the Gift of my soul to him and in that exchange he becomes as bound to me as i am to him. That is the beauty of submission to me. There is a dynamic that exists where the more my Master asks of me, the more i am able to give, and then the deeper our bond becomes. It grows exponentially. The perfect yin/yang of the Master being the active principle in the TAKING and the submissive being the receptive in the GIVING.

My submission is expressed in many ways: on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. Without all of these levels, again, it becomes merely a physical act. There is sacredness to submission as well for me. Like prayer or other acts of devotion, it is living my life with an intention and focus that always strives for the highest, purest expression. Putting the relationship first...always searching within for ways to please and offer more of myself than i think i can. It is this going beyond and pushing limits that becomes the most important reward of submission for me...the place of empowerment and self knowledge and the resulting inner strength/transformation. It is also dancing with the inner Shadow self...the parts of me that are about fear and being taken on the journey by someone (the Master) who will be there to catch you so you never really fall. The most special part of submission for me is level of intimacy and soul connection with another. Each veil that is removed, each boundary crossed, each lash accepted and begged for, each time of being taken to the outermost regions of letting go of control.....all of this is the glue that binds the Master and sub completely to one another. To become completely naked and vulnerable on every level, then give more than i think i can and see the pride, love and devotion in my Master's eyes is the greatest Gift imaginable.

Author unknown


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14. What Makes A Healthy submissive
by Yaldah Tovah, M.D.


1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.

2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.

3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.

4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.

5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.

6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.

7. The healthy submissive is playful.

8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.

9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.

10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.

11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.

12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.

13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.

14. The healthy submissives hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.


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